She goes straight to my heart. We’ve been dating for three months now. I have not written about her in here because I only find my thoughts near to two things: her and my music career. But the thing is, when we go out this weekend, I have this feeling I am going to trip when we are walking and she slips thoughts of wanting to drift a bit apart under my feet. And no matter how hard I try to make it look like I didn’t miss a step, I’ll just be that far behind.

Her name is Joanne. We met in a coffee shop on what was basically blind date, although she had seen me performing before. We saw each other once or twice a week and hours felt like minutes. Now, I fear she feels the minutes adding up. As it is we only see each other once for a couple hours during the week, and usually spend one night together on the weekends.

This fear comes from her saying she wants “more time to herself” and we’ll “have to discuss it on the weekend” tonight.

Maybe I am overreacting. I guess I will know by Saturday.

She catches the 7am subway to work, and is hates her job lately. I am thinking of surprising her with a rose and a cup of coffee just to make her day.

I am saving the program from the comedy show we went to on our second date on which I wrote my first poem to her for the 28th. It will be our third month anniversary.

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DREAM GIRL

I’ve been so amazed
At how much colder it has been
For the wind picks up and tries to blow me
Towards you when you leave
Singing to me songs of how you must follow your dream

just to hold your hand
would bring me more joy than I’ve seen.

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My grandmother died on December 23rd. I still can only cover up the fact that I haven’t recovered. Honestly, I do not think I am doing that amazing of a job of it though. People ask me, “What’s wrong?” but I just do not feel like I can let them that far down into what is going on below my surface.

Good things are happening too. I don’t want to dwell on insecurities when I am securing big steps in my career. I almost have my first CD out; I am just slightly short on funding. People are definitely starting to take notice me after a year of grinding away on the scene just hoping that one of the sparks lights the fire I am aiming for. I am now linked on one of the top R&B websites in the world, and I am sure it will do great things for me.

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